I want the God thing.
There are just SO many things in this world. Like ALL THE THINGS, right?
Where do I go eat lunch today?
Am I going to be single for forever?
What do I wear tonight - is this outfit too slutty?
What college do I go to - um did I choose the right degree?
Why do I feel so fat all the time? I just want to be happy with myself.
Ashley has been ishh talking me lately - should I stop being friends with her?
I REALLY want to open my own clothing boutique - will it be successful?
I could move to downtown or I could stay here and rent this room, where should I be?
I kinda wanna go more blonde but then my boss won’t take me seriously - should I even care what he thinks?
I’ve been wanting to start a Bible study at my house, but I’m like hella busy all the time. I don’t want to be overwhelmed but I know it’s a good thing. UGHHH help???
I can either study for my test or get coffee with my friend who’s passing through town. Which is better?
Just so many things, right? We have about 80,000 thoughts a day, a lot of them are innately negative and a lot of them are questions which can cause anxiety about the little decisions in life - AND - the not so little decisions. Like …
Do I marry this guy?
Do I take this job in NYC?
Do I buy this house?
Should we start trying for kids?
Should I break up with him?
Gosh, really - how DO we even make these decisions?
Well, I will say, living on the road full time now for three months in an RV with my husband and having to dig deep and make SO many decisions and have so much time to think and navigate through my emotions and dreams, I have come to this conclusion -
I want the God thing.
I’m a HUGE dreamer and emotional AF - like you’d think I was pregnant AND on my period simultaneously. **hand over face emoji. BUT when you’re in the MIDDLE OF NOWHERE in Montana sitting in a RV feeling a bit isolated, wondering why you’re not on tour opening for Kelsea Ballerina (or at least a millionaire by now), you have NO CHOICE but to dig deep, embrace the bugs and the heat and get quiet. My mind was swirling with “When are we ever gunna get to Nashville?”, “What do I pursue first when I get there?”, “What should I be doing now?”, “Have I made the right decisions leading up to now?”, “Will I ever reach the success that my heart desires?”.
And over the next few days, time after time, moment after moment, I was reminded of just HOW MANY little paths there are to take in life, and how you NEVER know which way any given path will ACTUALLY take you to the place you want to end up at- even when a path looks “good” or promising, it could actually turn out completely opposite of what you THOUGHT. I mean, did Hannah THINK she was going to end up engaged to a liar and then come out of the Bachelorette single? Absolutely not. The path looked promising, but the destination was COMPLETELY opposite of the desired outcome. Let's just put it this way - she probably NEVER wants to see a rose again!
So, I’m really thinking that the best approach to this whole thing called “life” is to just throw my hands in the air like I’m on Space Mountain and just say “Jesus, take the wheel” - because God DOES know how each little path will turn out - He DOES know if that decision that looks so itty bitty will actually have a huge impact on your life. He knows if that path will actually bring us joy and fulfillment or will just cause us to keep looking for different paths.
And here's THE thing - when it's a GOD thing, it can't be taken away. It can't be shaken. It won't be that " Well he MIGHT break up with me, Idk", that " I'm not sure if I'll even get this job", "I kinda feel like this might be IT" - No, it will be that guy that turns into a forever spouse who leads you and commits his entire life to you. It will be that " Congratulations! You got the job - we SEE your value and we'd love to have you as a part of the team!", It will be that RIGHT PLACE AT THE RIGHT TIME kind of a blessing - not because you're cool and life just comes together sometimes - but because it's THE GOD THING. I want that - those beautiful, fulfilling, permanent, planned-out-since-beginning-of-time blessings. You? :) The God Things always > than the human thing <3